Today I want to share a little bit about our wedding with you all, and this post is actually quite hard to write. I’m going to try to keep it real here, so I hope you all can go with the flow and pardon me this one day of bridal driven insanity.
Matt and I are getting married this summer and I absolutely could not be happier. Matt makes my life better, he makes me better, and I truly believe he makes the world better. But here’s the thing- never in my life have I ever wanted to be a bride. I want to be Matt’s wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with a man I could not have even dreamed up. I do not want to argue with people over napkin colors and chair sashes. Get the difference?
Matt and I had to find a compromise between my dream wedding (which would be to secretly elope) and Matt’s dream wedding (which would be about 160 people large). This was difficult. We went back and forth for about 5 months trying to see each other’s point of view. We talked about it daily. We never argued about it, which I think is fantastic and really telling.
Our original guest list was 160 people. YIKES. We nudged it down to about 126. Which I still felt was HUGE. It is now officially 30-35 people. So basically this means that some people will be angry. Here’s my thoughts on that:
- It is Matt’s and my wedding day and we should not be bullied- by each other or others. Matt is not forcing me into a wedding I don’t want and I am not forcing him into a wedding he doesn’t want. We met in the middle.
- It saddens me (and Matt) that we will disappoint people with our decision to have a small wedding. But it doesn’t sadden me enough to spend $10,000+ on a five hour party we do not actually want. Additionally, what a lot of people don’t know/don’t realize about me is that I have SERIOUS anxiety when I’m in crowds. Even crowds of people I know very well. So honestly, having even just 35 people at our wedding is going to be a challenge for me. It’s a challenge I’m happy to meet because it’s all people I love and care about, but a challenge nonetheless.
To get to our final decision Matt and I toured 3 different venues. We toured a bitchin’ museum, a traditional country club, and a cozy little inn. All of them would have been lovely and all of them would not have cost less than $10,000. By the third venue tour even Matt was on board with me: It was ludicrous for us to spend money we don’t have, or money our family has worked their entire lives for, on something we were not both 100% on board with. For some people a wedding is something they’ve always dreamed with, and to them I say rock on, go for it. But that’s just not our thing. But you know what IS our thing- spending that crazy amount of money on a once in a lifetime vacation instead.
So without further venting/rationalizing/explanation here’s our plan thus far:
- We are inviting parents, grandparents, siblings, sibling families, and a few other very choice people (30-35 people total) to a short ceremony at the place where we first met. I have asked my brother to marry us because I feel like if we’re doing something small and intimate there doesn’t need to be a stranger present.
- We are then inviting those same people to join us for a nice sit down dinner at a very lovely restaurant. A lot of Matt’s family lives all over the country and they don’t get to spend a lot of time together, and I’m looking forward to us all sitting and eating together as a family without a dj, flashing lights, 100 other people, and my fear and anxiety around crowds. I’m very excited to spend quality time with my family- both sides of it.
- If anyone wants to come to our house after diner for coffee and more dessert they’ll be more than welcome to. If anyone is staying in a hotel and wants to come to our house the next morning for brunch they’re welcome to. Our door is open and there will be homemade cupcakes and cookies. mmmmm.
- We are DEFINITELY saving and planning for a honeymoon/1 year anniversary trip to Australia! For the same price as the 160 person 5 hour wedding we can go down under for two weeks. HOW CAN YOU PASS THAT UP?! This idea was actually how Matt and I found our compromise- I could have a teeny tiny wedding and Matt could pick anywhere in the world for our honeymoon.
So that was a bit of venting for today…. actually, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would come out. But I did edit it at least 5 times over the past two weeks….